Reading a new magazine (@mother_tongue_magazine) during my days of compulsory hotel quarantine in Hong Kong, I have come across an insightful article authored by Gila Lyons (@gilalyons). Gila wrote the following, inspired by writer Elizabeth Gilbert (@elizabeth_gilbert_writer):
“The real revolution won't be a wild, unbridled woman screaming her mission from every rooftop and living her passions hard and ceaselessly; the real revolution will be a rested, relaxed woman, and, as [Elizabeth] Gilbert put it, ‘A world that has finally structured itself in a way that allows a woman to rest.’”
I admit that I have a funny relationship with rest; being in quarantine alone, and child-free this time, I should really find rest - yet rest does not always meet me in the same place. I find that at night my mind could really wander, or at times sprint fast, to try to develop ideas when my body says ‘no’. During the day, when I thought I’d rest, I’d also make myself do something that seemed productive - or worse, use the time to scroll through endless Facebook or Instagram feeds. There almost seems to be an innate calling for me to fill every minute of my time with some kind of activity, and to be ruthlessly efficient such that any last drop of idle time could be used for something purposeful. And if there is any downtime left, I somehow yearn to “connect” with others through social media.
Is this a women’s issue I wonder, echoing with the sentiment from the quote? Men (and other genders) could be in a similar place with restlessness; whether you’d like to take the stereotypes of the working alpha male, or the counter-cultural, animated face of a family guy, ‘busy-ness’ occurs and it is probably safe to say that it occurs cross-culturally. What is it about a woman’s rest that differs then?
Perhaps I can only say this from the perspective of being a mother to a young kid - trying to stay afloat with work towards your ambitions, develop your passions, being present and responsible for your kids and just taking care of the “day-to-day” is no means feat. I’m saying this from a privileged position as I have a wonderfully supportive husband who could take care of a lot, ranging from domestic housework and childcare activities, and I even have an extended family now based in London that I could lean on. But even if a woman physically delegates everything, there still seems to be the inner voice that asks you to strive relentlessly - “you can be a super mum”, “aim high and you’ll succeed”, “you can do more / better than this”, “your kids deserve more of you”... The list of comparisons, self-doubt, and competition for time seems ceaseless, pushing one to work harder, and fill each moment with something that we think can take us out of the feeling of defeat.
It seems that the world has taught us to look up to female role models like Sheryl Sandberg who are ambitious, work hard and succeed in business or other areas. There is no doubt that their stories could inspire young girls and working women alike to aim high and dream big; but how often do we also credit the rest, restoration and natural rhythms that a woman needs, that also make up a part of her? Our culture may have shaped us to put rest in our back seats, and to tune out of the beauty of slowness and simplicity. That said, given the drive for mental health awareness in recent years, our culture seems to be shifting; but when will our own mindset really change?
Whilst reflecting on this myself, I offer a few questions for your reflection:
What does rest feel like to you?
What is the best way to rest for you? How do you know?
When was the last time that you scheduled to do nothing?
Spend a moment to close your eyes and visualise yourself doing nothing. Where are you? What can you see / hear / sense? Who are you with? What is in your mind? How does it feel?
How do you think your rest could relate to your purpose / calling?
Perhaps it is true that “the real revolution will be a rested, relaxed woman” - because the state of being rested and relaxed seems to be so fleeting and almost non-existent in our lives at present. Once again I have been prompted to think about how I can notice my need for rest before the point of overwhelm, and consciously plan for regular rest.
So, what could you do this week that brings this state of being “rested and relaxed” one step closer?
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