As I’m completing my practice coaching hours to qualify for my Diploma for Transformational Coaching at Animas, the thought of ‘what’s next’ comes to mind. And if I’m honest, it’s a strange feeling.
It feels a little like graduating from university, when the world has suddenly expanded from a small, contained bubble to something like a massive hot air balloon. This feeling reoccurred when I decided to quit my corporate job about this time last year, and stepped into the big wide chasm of unknowns — it is freeing, yet daunting. And what’s more, you could find yourself constantly coming back to your limiting beliefs at these times.
You’d think that as humans, we are used to uncertainty, especially having experienced the pandemic in the past two years. But we are not. It seems that nothing can prepare us from the feeling of freefalling off a cliff into an abyss.
Lately, a lot of materials have been focused on tackling uncertainties and enabling people to be more resilient, like the Uncertainty Experts, a live documentary by Sam Conniff and team. According to their free test, I am an “Uncertainty Optimist” — sounds about right, I thought, yet at the back of my mind I’m still panicking about the lack of decisions made for my business in its infancy. Moreover, I realised that there are even more uncertainties in other aspects life — and these uncertainties amount to the feeling that I’m in a bit of ‘limbo’, not knowing what to think or do next.
Having gone through a Positive Psychology short course with Animas last weekend, I wanted to write down a few things I realised that I have applied in the past, and have worked for me in such unpredictable times — to remind myself of what’s possible, and also hopefully bring a bit of reassurance to you-who-might-resonate:
1. Give your strengths a bit of love
Studies such as ones from Gallup shows that focusing of strengths brings about a lot of benefits to an individual, a team or an organisation. People are 6x as likely to strongly agree that they have the opportunity to do what they do best every day.
In times of uncertainty, and especially when the situation exposes my limiting beliefs and self-doubt, I remind myself of my strengths and look at how I can take small actions to utilise these strengths. It’s a bit like stretching your muscles — the more you work at them, the stronger they get, and the more you might view your gifts and yourself in a positive light.
If you don’t know what your strengths are, you are not alone. I did the free Strengths Survey at the VIA Institute on Character back in 2018 when I was nosing around on my mat leave (a period when I was hoping to find more ‘self worth’), which helped me see some blind spots on my strengths. (For example, I never considered ‘gratitude’ as a strength — but it is!)
2. Mindfulness is not a myth
I have considered myself as a bit of a sceptic on mindfulness at first — perhaps partly due to the suspected origins from Buddhism (and I’m a Christian), I wasn’t convinced that it’s something that would be helpful to me. That said, I then realised that even in Christianity (and perhaps other religions too), the practices of devotion and rest somehow have similarities to what we now like to call ‘mindfulness’.
The benefits in practising ‘mindfulness’, in fact, has been grounded in research (see groups such as Oxford Mindfulness) and have been widely adopted into mental health practices at the NHS. Having gone through a self-guided, short Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) course previously, these exercises were ‘prescribed’ to me, and have been beneficial for me to alleviate stress from uncertain situations.
I personally look at ‘mindfulness’ simply as ‘taking a moment’ for myself, not wishing to complicate it into a form of a spiritual ritual. I have found that small actions even as simple as taking three deep breaths before a meeting very helpful in calming my nerves. Another of my favourite ones is to ‘watch my thoughts’ before I go to bed — this really helped me slow down my running mind, and to be aware of my thoughts without judgement. Whilst I don’t practice these every day, when I realise that my mind is racing at the wrong times, I feel that I can now choose to slow down, be present — and breathe.
3. Be aware of your narrative after a traumatic (or ‘negative’) event
I have had a blessed life, yet I have experienced some degree of trauma previously with an ectopic pregnancy and a miscarriage. I recalled that the toughest time was the ‘not knowing’ of what’s going on, or what’s happening next. Everyone has different experiences of trauma, or ‘negative’ events, especially in light of the pandemic these two years, plus endless wars and natural disasters around the world.
Yet, the 1995/96 research by psychologists Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun have explored the concept of ‘post traumatic growth’. They conducted experiments using five dimensions: appreciation of life, relationships with others, new possibilities in life, personal strength and spiritual change. Participants considered how they felt now compared to how they felt before their trauma, and the change was measured and estimations were provided on how much of such changes relate to the trauma. According to Tedeschi and Calhoun, “post-traumatic growth is not simply a return to baseline — it is an experience of improvement that for some persons is deeply profound”.
This research was, of course, not designed to undermine the feeling of grief or other emotions experienced after a negative event. Grief comes in different shapes and forms, and often in waves too. Also, post-traumatic growth is not experienced by everyone who’s been in trauma, as some never experienced ‘growth’ from it, and may even experience post-traumatic stress disorders. The timing of recovery also differs from individual to individual. Therefore, we cannot impose a positive narrative on others who have experienced trauma — but being aware of our own narrative of recovery, and knowing that you can be supported by loved ones and professionals through such events could be an important step that would help you become more resilient.
Reference: This BBC article on “The complicated truth of post-traumatic growth”)
What’s your takeaway?
Whether we like it or not, uncertainties are here to stay. Life is full of unexpected events — but as humans we can choose how we react to them. These simple ways are not the panacea to every single event you may face in life, but I hope that these are little things may help you as you stretch your resilient muscles day-to-day.
What resonated with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
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